How could I find out
I was born in the USSR and grew up as an inquisitive boy, from childhood I was interested in astronautics, astronomy, space research, and science fiction. I remember that in the kindergarten I saw in the book a drawing of an "unknown star", in fact, just a dot in a circle, as if it was visible through a telescope. But then I was very captivated. Later there were children's books about space, the journal "Technique of Youth", then adults. They described promising engines for spaceships to reach the distant planets of the Solar System, presented plans for the development of resources, and promising projects of starships. The capabilities, cost, and complexity of such a project were evaluated. Alas, none of this happened. Moreover, with the collapse of the Soviet Union, promising developments were abandoned, even at the stage of almost complete readiness. I did not expect this, it was very disappointing. I also noticed that my peers, acquaintances, relatives, parents almost completely lacked interest in science, technology, they did not understand why space research was needed. On the contrary, they became close to the concepts of ignorance, quackery, interests became mundane, purely mercantile. I was struck by how in the late 1980s the population of the USSR massively rushed to build cottages in horticultural plots. It was like conquering virgin lands. Future gardeners were eager to cut down the forest, uproot stumps, carry and process logs, and in marshland, among the clouds of mosquitoes, without any human conditions, shops, pharmacies, clinics. Transport delivered them there very rarely and poorly. But that did not stop! It was necessary to build a house from logs or timber with your own hands. Plant bushes and fruit trees, a vegetable garden, potatoes. Some even died in their heroic impulse. Of course, the products of their production were not enough, and they had to carry almost all the food from the city. I did not understand this then, but now I understand that this is all degradation. Unfortunately, my parents also willingly participated in this. And with all their might they tried to drag me there, arguing that I should help my elderly parents (50 years old). As a result, after the army I worked on their site for four summers in a row, each time a month and a half, almost all summer vacations. Moreover, all attempts to negotiate with them, to clarify that I do not need and are not interested, did not give results. There were endless scandals that it was necessary to go to the cottage, to help build it, it even seemed that the cottage was more important to them than their son. Complete misunderstanding, absolute misunderstanding in almost everything. I only later learned that I had lost in this way, and still regret that I did not send them to hell with this. But then I still could not imagine the scale of the disaster.
Mom and earlier, from childhood, attached overvalued importance to fresh air. Endlessly drove me out into the street, even in the evening, in the dark, when no one was there. I wandered alone in the yard with a flashlight. At the same time, I liked to read, and even tried to write science fiction myself, and every year the time for it became less and less. But mother, as if as soon as she saw me busy with her hobbies, I immediately urgently had to go for a walk. Or go with them stupidly out of town. Be sure to fresh air. No persuasion helped. Scandals, terrible insults, slamming doors. I didn’t understand her at all, and now I understand that she was just bothering me then. She saw me becoming smart, and interfered as much as she could. As a result of such a path at the end for my parents, alas, complete degradation. Everyone says to me: what are you, they are old, but they are not old, they just rolled down. They did not even realize that they were interfering with their son. The saddest thing is that the mother fundamentally did not want to understand that her son was sick with something, for example, seasonal allergies, and being in the countryside during the flowering season, from May to mid July, was undesirable to me. Even the recommendation of an allergist was no argument for her. We must go to the country, and nothing is a reason for refusal! In the end, I suffered, constantly sneezing, scratching my eyes, swallowing piles of pills that caused drowsiness. But this did not seem to make any impression on her. Thus began a pathological conflict with his mother, which lasted a lifetime. She basically didn’t want to understand anything, even that I was ill, and constantly demanded that I go for a walk and go to the cottage. Interestingly, a similar movement of summer residents was in Japan in the late 1990s. After that, the birth rate began to collapse and stagnation recently began of one of the most developed economies in the world. That is, processes similar to those that took place in Russia after the collapse of the USSR.
Even when I went to kindergarten, I had the first signs of myopia, although I had hardly read anything at that time. Over time, myopia only intensified, and in high school I was already forced to wear glasses. After graduation, myopia reached -5 diopters. Doctors told me the reason that I read a lot. In fact, now most young people are always looking at their smartphone, the size of the letters there is much smaller than in the book. And the number of shortsighted among them is much less than in my youth.
In childhood, I developed a chronic bowel disease, diagnosed at first as acute enterocolitis caused by infection. I recovered then. But I began to get fat quickly. Of course, the parents did not attach any importance to this. At 14, I realized that I didn’t want to be fat anymore. And I began to lose weight, exercise. But I was not able to straighten the frail constitution that has developed since childhood. Apparently it was necessary to swing for hours, purposefully, like Schwarzenegger, but I did not have enough time and energy for this. Remained clearly visible consequences of the former fullness. In the institute years, bowel disease made itself felt again, by an attack of severe pain. Doctors did not understand anything and diagnosed gastritis. Fortunately, the exacerbation subsided pretty quickly. But the teeth began to become caries. I noted that they all fell ill in a strange way according to one principle: they began to collapse from the root. Often starting to drill a tiny hole, the doctor wondered how further everything was weakened and rotted. I had to drill a lot of teeth, each time pulpitis, canal filling, a huge filling, which later split the tooth in half. Due to the universally bad dentistry in Russia in the 1990s, without pain relief, I then lost a lot of teeth. This was all the more strange because in my school years I had almost no caries. I attributed all this to poor nutrition during military service, a lack of vitamins. Then I gained interest in medicine, I studied from books, what are the diseases and how to treat myself, which later came in handy in my life.
From early childhood, I did not tolerate a blood test from a finger. It was getting bad, and I did not understand why. It was very strange to me. From the vein - please, but from the finger every time almost fainting with a darkening in the eyes. A blood test in the Soviet era was prescribed for any runny nose, so it happened badly to me regularly. At the same time, I noticed that women who took this analysis often beat with a needle with all their might, and then pressed on the finger with all their might. Especially in the cold, it was often really hard to bear. Moreover, parents and relatives had nothing of the kind. I also noticed that women dentists, treating without pain relief, often started yelling, if I even started to twitch, what kind of man are you if you can’t endure the pain! And I have sparks from my eyes. When, as I accidentally found out, they were treating their medical staff with a novocaine injection. Later I found out that torture using dental caries was practiced in the Nazi Gestapo during the Second World War. But it turns out I was not a man in the eyes of these women.
Then, when I had an allergy, regular nasal congestion formed. It became difficult to breathe, I wanted to clean it, it was especially difficult to fall asleep with a stuffy nose. As a result, I began to sit on vasoconstrictors. In my student years, I had an operation to straighten the nasal septum about this. For some time it was better, then the situation gradually returned again to the constant use of vasoconstrictors. The last trip to the ENT showed that this is due to inflammation of the canal going somewhere to the right side of the frontal part of the brain, and this can only be fixed with a surgical operation, which I did not do. It is interesting that during my military service I was not tormented by either allergies or nasal congestion, as I understand it now, this was due to the constant feeling of danger to life and health.
In high school, the teachers pounced on me. They asked so much homework that I literally had no free time. Six or seven lessons, then I would come home, have lunch and after a short break I would sit down to do my homework. Which I practiced until almost 11 pm, with a break for dinner and physical education, which I did at home. I was a diligent student, and secretly envied those who had the time to wander down the street in company and walk with girls. For me, such an opportunity was not provided. Moreover, I have the impression that teachers do this on purpose so that I do not have the opportunity to have a girlfriend. And even that they were all advised to overwhelm schoolchildren with work so that there would be no sex in adolescence. As I understand now, no one gave such an order, my teachers just went crazy, as did amateur gardeners later. It seemed incredibly important to them to teach their subject as much as possible. Moreover, more often than not, they gave all sorts of nonsense, which is not necessary to know. The last years at school seemed so boring to me that now I cannot remember them at all. School, home, lessons, and that's it. But these are the best years of my life! And these idiots took them away from me. But later, at the institute, the atmosphere was more free, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, they left me behind. But there was another problem, at the institute I was taught a lot of things, except for the necessary. I never found where to apply this knowledge later in my work.
While serving in the army, I noticed a strange thing: when I was extremely tired, I could not correctly enter the events in the military journal. All the time he did it with mistakes, for which he received punches from colleagues. And I just couldn't manage not to do them, no matter how hard I tried. As if someone in my head was mocking me.
Even when I was in school, I noticed that I did not have a relationship with girls. One girl told me bluntly: "you are not from our company", which, I remember, surprised me very much, I did not understand why I am worse than others. At the same time, I have noticed more than once that they make indulgences to rude simple guys, but they do not forgive me anything. That is, they are deliberately biased. I did not understand this then, but I considered that they were simply not ready for a relationship. In my first year at the institute, I had an almost developed relationship with girls, I went on dates, but then I was drafted into the army. The army turned out to be a real nightmare, I actually encountered real criminals and prison unspoken laws there. I was not ready for this, because no one then said a word about it, the truth burst into the press later, when I returned. I also noticed that stupid freaks are typically very strong, they lift huge bars, they have a lot of energy for physical education. And I, despite all the efforts, did not manage to get in shape. I also felt constant tiredness, over which stupid freaks constantly made fun of. My peers - intellectuals, too, were frail, and could not resist the criminals. Alas, these two years of service turned out to be fatal for later life, and not at all because of the gopniks, I just did not know about it yet. When I returned, I felt happy. Finally, I was released from prison! Now everything will go as it should. Alas, everything did not go as it should. It turned out that all the girls of my course, as one, are indifferent to me and do not pay any attention. It seemed like they were not at all interested in relationships with the guys. The only thing they needed from me was for me to do a term paper for them. I remember it was very offensive. I did not know how to approach them and establish a relationship. Friendship with fellow students also did not work out. In the end, I felt terrible loneliness. Moreover, many of my acquaintances who did not serve in the army already had families and children were born. I stubbornly failed. I was not invited to the company, so I never managed to get to know a normal girl. It seemed to me that my friends were annoyed that I was addressing them with this problem of mine. At the same time, I was a pretty nice young man, fit, although not an athlete, not stupid and with a sense of humor, I could make a joke. And such a complete disregard by the girls was discouraging. A couple of times I made acquaintances, courted seriously, but they only "drove me". In general, there was a strange opinion about those girls of my youth. They seemed to carry out the program of their lives. Such a girl basically does not pay attention to anyone or anything, does not flirt, leaves home after school, does not seek anywhere, does not want any relationship, and this is evident. Then he often unexpectedly marries, having met someone somewhere out there. And again, nothing from her. At that time I did not imagine that problems in personal relations were growing for everyone, I thought that only for me. And only now it became clear how severe the decline was in this area of life. Indirectly, this can be judged by the schedule of fertility decline in the 1990s.
Then I thought, somehow it's all bad, a peaceful life, and there is no way to find personal happiness. And I did not imagine that in fact an invisible war was going on. Moreover, such behavior of women is the opposite of what would be logical from the point of view of evolution. With the increasing difficulties in life, they should have the opposite, strive to create families, give birth to more children, to be surrounded by care in old age and to overcome difficulties together with loved ones. Instead, women of my youth became very capricious, spoiled, dishonest, unfaithful, heartless, often began to behave immorally, without any regret or remorse.
At the same time, after a successful perestroika, as a result of which the economy collapsed, the USSR collapsed. My country, which was knowledge-intensive and technically developed, has perished. These reforms began, it seemed, reasonably enough, but Gorbachev turned out to be an incapable leader, and made an impression of a person deprived of his opinion, whose thoughts are floating. Yeltsin, who replaced him, at first seemed progressive and active, but suddenly he suddenly gave up, became ill, and began to behave like a clown. He abandoned everything, and as a result, the country's economy finally collapsed. What happened then no longer seems to be a powerful scientific and technical country. It even sometimes comes to mind that the current country is trying to simply deceive us with invented power, but in reality it no longer has its own science and its technologies. All this is window dressing.
In 1995, I got married, but, as it turned out, unsuccessfully. Suddenly, after the wedding, the wife became completely not sexual at all, she was no longer interested in sex and orgasm in general. Scandals started on her part, most often on far-fetched and deliberately biased reasons, which often continued at night, and bored me to the end. Absolutely absurd accusations, dissatisfaction with literally everyone, often with an inability to explain what exactly she does not like. Then she really couldn’t explain herself why she did it. "Something happened to me". Sometimes she herself could not remember what she said and did. In 2001, a daughter was born, and his wife "postpartum depression" lasted six months. It was a real nightmare. Then I realized that such a family already makes almost no sense. Although the wife before the wedding seemed honest man, with the principles brought up in the family of the officer, and we had common interests. But it turned out that all this did not help.
And so, in 2003, unexpectedly for myself, I unhappily fell in love with one woman whom I met at work. At the same time, it seemed strange that not only was he not going to start anything like this, he was categorically afraid of such a feeling, suspecting, from past experience, that it would be unrequited, it hurts and that's all. And at first I did not pay attention to this woman at all. In appearance she was pretty, but somehow wilted, married, uninteresting. I felt an unexpected influx of feelings when I later corresponded by working with her by e-mail. About two weeks after the last time I saw her. I did not understand myself, because I thought that I was completely unprepared for this. And I still do not understand, why on earth is all this? The option is obviously a failure, it was understandable. But the feeling was not going to let go, it was not at all possible to get rid of it with reasonable arguments. Therefore, I decided, most likely therefore, for divination with a needle. Recall the experience of his distant youth. Surprisingly, the difference from previous attempts, the contact was immediately meaningful. I answered a certain "Gosha". He said that this is "love, passion", "she loves you" and "wedding in a year". Still, that "this is a gift". It was impossible to believe in such a thing! I decided to check and began to correspond with this woman on personal topics, wanting to get to know her more closely. As expected, she did not feel anything but polite interest in me. Moreover, she didn’t even want us to become friends. I guessed that she was just flirting with me, no more. How can a wedding be in a year? Naturally, no way. But my feeling, to my horror, was only growing. I decided to ask the astral again what is happening to me. The answer was strange: "this is conducting", "you are being led to it". So this story began. Of course, the relationship did not work out at all, the most reasonable thing was to abandon this ridiculous idea, but I continued to experience a strong attraction and strong feelings about this. And I could not do anything with myself, I could not distract myself. I tried again to get in touch, Gosha said: "everything is going fine". He also said that he has a “linus” that “helps conduct”, he “builds” it, and this is something like a computer on tertiary logic. Once in the USSR they tried to do such things, and I was not very surprised, I only thought: where are the spirits, are the computers there?
After a while, it became clear that this woman has nothing to do with me. She was not eager to meet at least a little. Moreover, her interest in talking to me faded. I tried to get in touch with someone else, not Gosha. Someone called himself "Friend". He built phrases somehow very old-fashioned. For example, "add your mind?" On the topic of my feelings, he said interestingly: "I will find you a wife like a fool". He called Gosha "genius" and "beggar". At the same time, it began to seem to me that I was already distinguishing it directly that way, without the help of needle rotation. The worst thing is that my condition was getting worse. I was in a state of severe depression, generally lost interest in the family and everything in life. I was only thinking about why this did not work out, and now I cannot be happy without this woman. All attempts to pull herself together and throw her out of her head failed. Interestingly, when I occasionally saw her live, I was very surprised, because she outwardly completely did not match the way I imagined her in my head. Then I also tested the spiritualistic pendulum. Later - automatic writing. "Friend" said that this woman was "nicer for God" and further advised "to communicate with a guide". The guide's name was Gena. He said that we must go to God, and at the same time talked too old-fashionedly. For verification, I decided to call an "angel", or one of the higher beings. After all, it is believed that this is possible. The one who called himself "Augur" answered. He advised me to "run to God", and created some pleasant sensations reminiscent of euphoria. "Live in the truth", he wished me. This whole story ended poorly. My lover became pregnant from her husband, and was about to leave on maternity leave. In order to fully verify what was said to me from the astral, I confessed my love to her. Of course, it turned out that she had absolutely no feelings for me. And she did not plan any relationship with me. She only recently got married a second time and was quite happy with her marriage. It was very painful, and I did not understand why they made such a joke with me. The answer from astral was very entertaining, supposedly, she should return to my life, and then everything will be fine with us. It was not at all clear to me. Even if she returns in two years, what will it give me? My feelings suffered, and by that time I would no longer need her. At the same time, I realized that I could not love her anymore after she became pregnant from another man. It turned out that she might be coming back, but I will not need her at all. And even if she falls in love, then I will not need it at all, and the wedding will not take place. I did not know that this paradox would play a major role in solving this riddle.
In addition, I was very surprised by this woman herself, with whom I was so unhappily in love. I later watched her furtively through the Internet, and was amazed: her appearance regularly changed, she was thin and intelligent, then as if a market woman, then some kind of directly puffy. The face changed noticeably and sometimes even the figure, as it seemed, in a circle! I even sometimes thought that by mistake I didn’t get to her page, but then I was convinced, yes, that’s for sure she! As if in one woman there were several women at the same time, who changed in turn. She was sometimes just not recognizable! But then she strangely returned to her former form, a few years later. I think people just sometimes do not notice such mysterious changes, do not pay attention to it, considering it to be something ordinary. I still don’t understand who this woman really was.
On the Internet I did not find any information that there are "conducting", especially to a woman. All descriptions of contacts with "spirits" were more like primitive superstitions. Purely for moral reasons, this did not fit with the way we imagine good deeds from above. My beloved at that time was married, and, it turns out, I had to take her out of the family, and abandon mine. The Church decries such contacts with the "spirits", considering them to be "lower demons", and assuring that they only lie. But I was interested in the phenomenon itself. I tried to go to church, pray, but it didn't help anything. At the same time, being in the temple did not affect these contacts in any way. What kind of god is this who made me lead to wild, unbearable pain? From Kabbalah I learned a strange theory, allegedly the creator created creatures that aspire to him, and he gives them suffering in order to purify their souls. And if you know in advance what he gives, which is possible through the "internal screen", then you can avoid suffering. You can still avoid this if you become the maximum egoist, so that, having fed up with everything, then become an altruist. A very strange god for Kabbalists, I thought. Some kind of moron who beats everyone who aspires to him, while he cannot even plainly say what he needs from them. Moreover, having become, in everything, an egoist, a person, in my opinion, is getting used to living this way, and will never become an altruist of his own free will. Somehow, everything is the opposite of what it should be.
I also stumbled upon a rather strange site "science of eniology", which described that spiritualism is for fools, and that the phenomenon that I encountered is called a "system of withdrawal of potential". The name, as it later turned out, made a point, but the rest of the content on the site was distrusting. That supposedly we have hostile alien civilizations standing at a higher level in some obscure hierarchy, they steal karma. It was incomprehensible to me in this case, and especially personally in mine: why do aliens need my karma? What will they do with her? I have never been particularly lucky in life. What is it to steal? Something did not fit here. Later, the site "science of eniology" was completely redone, and turned into one of the most typical corners of the occult-mystical direction. From the content of the forums, I realized that people often encounter this phenomenon, and even get very strange information in this way, but no one understands anything about it. And most importantly, they are not trying to figure out what is behind this.
So, I came across a strange phenomenon. It is not properly described anywhere on the Internet and in literature. The phenomenon in everything was not logical. What kind of "friends" are these, leading to a dead end to pain and suffering? What is the use of it? After all, they did not seem to be enemies! I have aroused scientific interest. What is it that turns out to be, the 21st century, it seems, the universe has already been almost studied, and here is a whole menagerie of all kinds of Gosha, Gena, Friends and other Augurs! Struck by their old-fashioned communication, Gena seemed to believe in God, but more like an Old Believer or a sectarian. He did not at all resemble the image of a guardian angel, which is described in the Christian religion. Naturally, then I had no idea where this is all located. I decided to find out what their world is. It turned out they themselves do not know where they are. I asked if they could reach for something or find something in their world. There was no answer, there was confusion. I was told that they could see the "arc", they still have some kind of "meridian", but that it was not clear. Gena suggested that the "arc" is a "collection of souls". An interesting presentation, but where is all this located? After my experiments, it began to seem to me that I heard “voices”. It was not at all interesting. It was already crazy. In addition, I was very tired during this time, was experiencing severe depression, and realized that in this way I would not find out anything else. I need to wait and see if it will come true or not, and then draw conclusions about it. Therefore, I simply quit practicing spiritualism. But spiritualism has not abandoned me.
Further, I constantly pondered what happened to me, and began to dwell more and more often on the thought that since the "evil spirits" had such simple access to a person, they could harm him very easily in everything, like me. And there is no one to stop them, because I did not feel any external force that would drive them away when I asked for it. And for sure, they harm normal relations everywhere, persuade people, arrange their "conducting", and they don’t even suspect about it. Such thoughts gave impetus to subsequent events. A "colloquium" began in my head with my participation, endlessly discussing these events. They tried all the time to deploy them this way and that, from a different angle, although, in my opinion, everything was very clear, and there was absolutely nothing to discuss here. Then, for the first time, the psychology of these creatures struck me — they claimed so that I did something bad if I did not want to go to this woman, to contact with her, to confess my love. I was also interested in the opinion of the "guide" about his god, from his words, God offers solutions, people make them. What about free will? - I was amazed then. Free will to make these decisions, answered the guide. Here is such a non-alternative god with them, go, love and suffer, because you see how he wanted to. Of course, if they just lied to me from the astral, and to hell with him. I could have been mistaken, but I didn’t suffer much, considering it an absurd delusion, and finally I was simply surprised. But with such a level of tragedy that I experienced then, it is unlikely that this lie strongly influenced something. All this resembled the generally evil will of some more powerful being.
And so, one fine day, discussions became especially intrusive. I was very tired of it, but I was waiting for something important and interesting to be told to me. Toward evening, it got really bad, but I began to get very strange information in my head. Allegedly, this world is just an illusion, and now the walls will open, then the real world will open. It even seemed that this was starting to happen, but the walls remained where they were. Another thing is that we are all microcircuits on the substrate, and some kind of thing crawls on top, resembling a chandelier that clings to us with wires. I did not know anything about solipsism then, and all this was noticeably scary. Then, I remember, a voice appeared that said that I was in a difficult situation, and he will help me get out. To do this, I must perform simple steps. I need to look at the cross that really appeared on the wall, like an image. Then it was necessary to spin around himself, performing movements with his hands. Allegedly, military introductions were found in me, they must be pulled out and transferred to people from another planet. They will figure it out. Another report "line number", as I recall, 375. As a result, I felt very bad. My wife woke up, then an ambulance arrived and they gave me a calming injection. In the morning everything went. I told the doctors that I was just overworked. I did not know then that this was a real military attack. All this happened in the winter of 2004, and, of course, could be qualified as acute psychosis due to complicated loss.
An interesting feature of such fantastic illusions is the unusual sensations experienced by man, which are not like anything encountered in ordinary life. They cause associations with life after death, other worlds and it is very difficult to describe in words, because they do not associate with anything that surrounds us.
After this, one could naturally assume that it is better not to do all this, and to stay away from everything. I began to gradually recover from the tragedy, although I often suffered from bouts of severe hopeless depression, but I fought with them. Moreover, I did not understand what I was struggling with in the end. It already seemed to me that that woman was not very, and needed. Why am I suffering so much? She was pretty, yes, as it turned out, model in appearance, but long married, and now she has two children, she was completely indifferent to me, did not show any signs of special attention, did not flirt. Why am I so crush on her? She was no different from many other pretty women who surrounded me. But no, it is she who is needed, although the least chance is to achieve reciprocity with her. I suddenly need to become a millionaire out of the blue. And reciprocity, after her pregnancy, no longer seemed something necessary. I did not understand at all why I continue to be in a state of tragedy.
In the summer of 2004, I met a woman with whom I had a short romance, I also passed an exam for driving a car, it seemed to me that I was starting to get out of this terrible pit. I recalled my adventures cautiously, and no longer wanted to try to find out anything. In 2005, I met another woman with whom I had a longer relationship. But in the summer, at the very peak of this novel, I got an exacerbation of irritable bowel syndrome. I acquired this disease back in my college years. I went to the doctors, underwent various examinations, did not find anything significant, and for six months I got out of this situation. My nails on the big toes began to grow inwards. Previously, this also happened, periods, just at the moment when I most needed to be healthy. I cut my nails, and gradually healed them. Relations with that woman began to bore me, I did not love her. Therefore, in 2006 I met another woman who seemed outwardly more attractive. To my surprise, she quickly began to feel an unusually strong attraction to me. Then, again, sessions of "messages from above" began again. This time it was reported that "management" came to my aid, which was very interested in this woman, and "wants to look at her". Still unknown to me, said: "she is a weapon aimed at you". I did not understand this, but again it became interesting to me! Nothing like this anywhere in literature and on the Internet! Yes, today I know that mentally ill people often claim to "rule the world". Apparently, this is a kind of such nonsense. But then I didn’t even think that I controlled anything! In addition, I was informed that there is someone who is being introduced into our world. These are some robots that "roll on a plane", and, "having discovered a hole, they see that it is a person, then they lower the reticle". In addition, a message slipped through that I was a robot that was lost on another planet, and I had a wheel behind. Then I sadly thought that it was possible, I have schizophrenia. And my unhappy love is also just a symptom of schizophrenia. I was also struck by the seemingly funny cartoon characters that appeared in consciousness at that moment, as if drawn. They showed something, as if helping me in something, but then it got worse. That is, they were the harbingers of the bad. In this system of relationships, it was the other way around, but I still hoped that at least someone was on my side.
The affair with another passion unfolded quite rapidly, and I stopped considering the seriously received warning. Suddenly, this woman began to offer me to have a baby, and get married. To me, she herself seemed a little strange, obsessed with work, not very suitable for hobbies, but passionately in love, which I had not felt from my wife for a long time. And just then, when we should have already had the final move to her, she began to behave incomprehensibly. She began to cry for no reason. I slowed down with the departure, but she put her husband out and was waiting for me alone. As soon as I was about to go, when she suddenly announced that she was returning to her husband. I reacted with surprise, but it did not become a tragedy. Basically, I heard about this behavior in such cases. The mistress takes the man away from his wife, and having achieved it, throws him herself. We seemed to part, but it seemed to me that she was expecting something from me. Without waiting for anything, she called and said that now she was with me again, and forever. Well, I, too, was bitterly abandoning the family, where my child, who was still in kindergarten then, I decided that such hesitation was normal. She changed her mind, so she still loves me! And so I was going to move to live with her, leaving my family behind. We had a very warm date then.
The next day I went to work, and then to the programming courses, which I started to attend at the same time. Another day, problems came again. A constant discussion of this all in my head, plus any nonsense resembling a booth. If I knew then that this is the second military attack, two years after the first, then I would go home and go to rest. But I did not know! Nowhere on the Internet is a word written about it. Everything intensified gradually. Already at the courses, it seemed to me that there was an empty space around me, and behind me there was a military man in a blue helmet that protects me, and this was accompanied by very unusual pleasant sensations. Then I was informed that "the control machine will solve my problem". Before me, on a blank sheet of paper, drawings began to appear, as if animated cartoons in the form of drawings. It all came together in a drawing of a strange apparatus resembling a samovar with a porthole, it was called the "module". As I understand it, the task was to turn the “module” into a baby for some reason, which was done. In this drawing ended. On the way home, an unreasonable laugh began to sort me out. Then, already near the house, I was informed that it was necessary to stop somewhere and do a series of exercises. So I stood for a while, convulsively twitching, then my wife came out and brought me home. At home I felt very bad. My thoughts were confused, but they began to impose on me that there were “controls” around me, one of which, “sur”, or “suprimator”, was trying to drive me crazy. This is a military mechanism, and is built somewhere in space, it affects me from above. It began to seem to me that my wife wears a mask on her face, and pretends to be another person. As a result, the ambulance came again, they gave me an injection. Hallucinations ended the next day, but problems with a full return of consciousness continued for some time. This was the most serious failure, caused by overwork, and because of the anxiety that I was leaving my family, I did not sleep at night. All this seems nonsense, in fact, these are elements of the swaying of the human psyche to drive him crazy. Such a military attack begins unexpectedly, growing gradually, and at the end becoming a terrifying delirium with hallucinations of obedience to the "voice". But then I did not attach serious importance to this, believing that I myself was to blame for the occurrence of these symptoms.
Despite the delay caused by my malaise, the mistress again invited me to live with her, although the delays continued for a month, and she lived alone, and this seemed a reliable argument in favor of her loyalty. At the same time strange "messages" began to come to me that somewhere an investigation had begun of what was happening, in connection with what had happened to me. Somewhere "the police arrived". I did not understand anything then. Schizophrenic nonsense again, I thought about it. The situation at home became very painful, my wife became addicted to alcohol, drank every evening with friends, not paying attention to me, so I went to live with another. I then doubted strongly that I had made the right choice, but the old relationship, as I thought, had already completely exhausted itself. I decided to try it. As soon as I moved to my bride, she abruptly changed. Sex stopped immediately. She was surprised to note the mysterious smell emanating from the body, which she could not interrupt with aromatic oil. This smell reminded me of incense. And in general, it was very gloomy together with her, the situation was oppressive. Unnatural, somehow hypocritical, as if a theater was being played in front of me. After a while, when I was going to introduce her to my parents, she behaved very strangely. She didn’t want to go, she sat and was silent, as if in a stupor. As a result, I went alone, my mother had a birthday. My parents did not support me with the idea of divorcing and marrying another. Toward night, my bride sent an SMS, with grammatical errors, that she was returning to her husband, and I could pick up my things. Previously, she always wrote without errors. I took things and decided to temporarily stay with my parents. I only suffered one evening from this, then I thought that I would gladly give up her husband with such a “gift” with similar deeds. But then she behaved very strangely. She invited me to a meeting in a cafe, and sat there with a proud look, as if she had made some achievement in her life. And again she was waiting for something. I did not understand her mood, and even more so the question "so what?" Nothing, probably. Enough! I was completely uncomfortable living with her. I decided that I would part with her for good. But after some time, already at work, realizing that for me actually everything was over, and she was no longer interesting, she rushed to the attack. And I was surprised to note how a person, she completely changed. Previously, she did not allow me to touch myself in the presence of other people. Now she hugged me in the presence of strangers, was almost ready to have sex with me when other people were nearby. Having made a couple more times an attempt to leave and return, it seemed to me, she went crazy. Sometimes it was as if she didn’t understand where she was and who she was with. She is with me forever, and at the same time her husband will catch me with her! She began to dress like an old woman. An incomprehensible muddy mucus flowed from the vagina. I was generally scared with her! What happened to her then, I still don’t understand, most likely, she had previously suffered from schizophrenia in a latent form or even a disorder of a multiple personality, in a latent form. But, when we met at the beginning of our relationship, I did not notice any such manifestations. A neat, clean and neatly dressed, pretty young woman, reasonably reasonable, businesslike, active, she lost her mind for no apparent reason and turned into something terrible. It seemed to me that she was actively trying to make me hurt, so she made such strange maneuvers. She was waiting for this. Probably pain in the eyes. I did not understand this at all.
But the culmination of this relationship was SMS correspondence with her, as with a "robot". At first she, after several of her strange maneuvers, sent a round-trip SMS containing only the numbers "123". I did not answer, considering it some kind of mistake. After a while, again, "123". It turns out, as "management" explained to me at that moment, that still means something. I need to answer "RVM", this is a "request for a control mechanism". Sent, the answer came "N85". "Robot" called himself. I was a little taken aback then, but I wondered what all this meant. I answered "under the guidance" from my head what exactly, I don’t remember, in my opinion, out of place, this code language is quite difficult to understand, but the answers were stored in my phone for a long time, as a sample of correspondence with no longer human: GUQN, WAU, RPC, OEEE, YE, YVN, BURR, MEO, AY. What does this mean, I will not say now. For each code there was one SMS message. Then separate words began to come, and I did not answer anymore, again one word to the message: Bacon, Socks, Color, Bottle, Groshiki, Gragg, Kum, Trum, Mole, Wozik, ZaelO, Tryam, Straight, Percentage, Verification, Black . Closer to the night another SMS message containing only one strange word came: Grmmmtk. What happened to the person himself, I still do not understand. How did she manage to get so crazy? What she imagined herself to be a robot! And we met later, she did not remember this moment, and never mentioned, looked more or less sane, never tried to repeat this. But from that moment on, all silliness came from her, like from a child. I did not understand her at all, I just tried to play along, pretending that everything was in order. We still met sometimes, but without enthusiasm and plans for the future. By the fall of 2007, she became pregnant from her husband, and we parted forever, without much regret on my part. This mysterious, in its own way, relationship history clearly demonstrates that a lot of extremely strange is hidden in the bowels of the human psyche, and we know very little about it. Moreover, this extremely strange something has similar combinations among different people, which is even more mysterious. It’s as if these “robot” codes were tightly flashed somewhere.
When I was still meeting this woman, at the very beginning of 2007, the stage of "revelation from above" began. Now they told me directly about the "events" that were taking place at that time. Doctors consider this a fantastic nonsense for a mental disorder, completely not trying to figure out what is behind it. It began with the fact that they directly told me: "most of what you see in the sky is artificial structures". Not only is this statement immediately in doubt. Of course, I personally have not been there, and no one has been beyond the borders of the Solar System, but as I knew earlier, there are mainly stars, galaxies, and nebulae. And I myself could not think that these are all artificial buildings! My opinion was completely different. What started next told about the mysterious events that were going on, and at first I could not understand where all this is located. I thought it was right here on Earth. At first, they told me a story that supposedly people began to leave along street lamps and disappear there. And they still could not pass the light bulb in their entrance. They stopped and stood looking at her. They missed the last metro station on the train, and disappeared there, too, at the end of the stop, turning into homeless people. I didn’t notice anything like that. So this is not happening here. But where? Gradually, it became clear that they were describing some other planet. And she was extremely interesting! At first, I even thought that this is life after the death of people, as many believe, and I learn about it, and when I realized that this was just the management of earthlings from outside, I was very disappointed. But what they told me turned out to be excitingly interesting! Nothing of the kind can be found either on Earth or in our fiction!
The life of these aliens is completely different from ours, and is built on completely different principles. They have literally everything controlled there. The life of the population there is completely subordinate to the routine given by some devices installed everywhere, in the walls, on poles, in shops on each counter. They not only perform the functions of control and suppression, but also determine how a resident should behave so as not to suffer. The fact is that everyone there is under the constant influence of control fields. Their nature remained unknown to me, but, unlike us, aliens in their bodies themselves have built-in control devices that grow with them. Therefore, they cannot disobey. Even when a resident was dying, this organ was removed, and it looked like grain. And it was used in technical devices. Something like our Bluetooth, but directly embedded in the spinal cord, or somewhere in a similar place. Nothing extraordinary, but the idea itself on our Earth has no analogues. The reason for this state there is that the world shown to me is there at the lower level of submission, and higher beings live on the side of the mountain, higher and higher, in limited areas called "axial symmetries". Each "axial symmetry" has certain properties defined by the planet. And this planet therefore has several magnetic poles. Their features often differ so much that residents of one "axial symmetry" cannot stay for long on another, for example, the neighboring one, because they will receive other influences. Therefore, territories bounded by "axial symmetries" are called "planets" there. One such ball can contain several "planets" with unique natural features, each within a limited territory. As it became clear, this described planet was remade by someone in very distant times, billions of years ago. The lowest level experiences maximum impacts, which are often not interconnected. Therefore, in order to avoid distortions, we built a joint management that has feedback that allows you to correct the negative effects on neighbors. Because of this, military conflicts often arose there. People on Earth, it turns out, are still at a lower level than the inhabitants of the lowest territory, but they are not completely subordinated to these influences. To us, all this is simply transmitted in the form of instructions and images to the subconscious. How?
I was even given a technical description of this, though not very believable. But they told an impressive epic about the history of this planet. In ancient times, billions of years ago, an ancient galaxy was built, on the principles understood by people. She was beautiful and consisted of millions of inhabited worlds, connected by invisible connections among themselves. The most developed ones helped the less developed to develop faster. But then the planets gradually began to diverge from the expansion of the galaxy, the old civilizations ended, for various reasons, there were only a few branches where life still remained. But about two billion years ago, builders arrived from another galaxy, who did everything on principles incomprehensible to man. Unlike people who first debug solutions, then apply, the aliens built right away, but they had special devices and methods called "correctness control". This allowed them to do everything on the go, and with jewelry accuracy. But after almost a billion years of normal existence, strange problems arose. Someone noticed that decisions coming from developed worlds, in particular, helping in something concrete, connected together, lead to a worsening of the situation. Thus began the first strange war between the worlds, ending with the devastation of the galaxy. Therefore, the modern galaxy, which arose a long time after the end, was rebuilt, and only studied artifacts and methods left by distant unknown aliens. The method of war of "friendly help" was inherited with them, when under the guise of scientific, technical, and social support, decisions are introduced in advance that together give a weakening of the enemy’s power, and only then an attack is carried out. The main thing is to do this unnoticed so that the enemy does not guess. The types of waging such a war can be varied. For example, a seemingly harmless flower is planted, which does not affect health in any way, and it spreads across the territory of the enemy. But in symbiosis with the flora growing there, it can cause a reduction in the birth rate of the population and its weakening, which, of course, they are not aware of. A bet is always on surprise. Therefore, wars in that world always began with the fact that everyone was trying to figure out who was attacking? All friends at once, no one is fighting, these are some mistakes that they will willingly help to correct. It was argued that the ancient civilizations that lived on that planet reached the limit of immorality, because they themselves were dying out. And they fought with the enemy only in this way, still often exposing other nations as enemies instead of themselves.
What does this have to do with me? It turned out that through this whole world the so-called "old axis" passed along the river descending from the mountain. Its peculiarity was that by putting certain objects in a certain place, it was possible to give a task to the inhabitants of the subordinate territory. Initially, this can be used with impunity. But then someone thought of using it for impossible tasks for residents. Therefore, the axis was redone. The one who set the task was now obliged to be responsible for its implementation. That is, to die if it is not fulfilled. This was recorded in his personality. But after some time, a way of earning appeared, when someone set the task, and received money on it, and when the time came, he was obliged to return the taken. If he did not return what he took, then he perished himself. There were those who set themselves up like that for money, becoming a "thief", and living only until the moment it was necessary to return what was taken. Therefore, the axis was redone again. Now the people living on it were obliged to control the fulfillment of the task. If it is not fulfilled, the rush began to fulfill it. This was sometimes impossible. In this case, the responsible leaders from the people, who were obliged to oversee the implementation, themselves experienced serious anguish. It was tightly stitched in them that the task should be completed at all costs. That is, they were responsible for fulfilling with danger to their lives. Even if the victim died, and for a long time, it did not matter, the task had to be completed. Therefore, instead of doing it, they often just searched for the guilty, who did it, found and killed. Now no one dared to do something like this without control systems that gave confidence that everything was done correctly. But again, there was a way to capitalize on this. Other nations bribed residents so that they framed their leaders, setting an impossible task for the subordinate people. In an effort to complete the task, they usually started a war with lower people if they refused to obey. So the strangers constantly maked mischief between these peoples. To correct this situation, the so-called "old management" was invented, which pulled out those who participated in the statement of the task and allowed to find the culprit. Later, they made a general management, which controlled the setting of such tasks and allows timely correction of this situation, avoiding serious problems. But relations between nations deteriorated over time, and they could no longer just directly agree on who does what. This made the life of lower nations very difficult. To correct the introduced effects, special units of a rather large size, called "compensators", were built. They could create influences leveling destructive influences from another axis. To determine the implicit tasks from the neighbors in an understandable form, special biological objects were created, built in certain places, called "bio-formulators". In them, artificially derived life forms transformed the effects of other axes into formulations that could be understood. But this was not enough if the "movement" began. This was the name of a natural phenomenon that everywhere intensified the activity of the "axis of symmetry", and was accompanied by volcanic eruptions and river spills. At such moments, control devices gave residents direct commands, not only how to behave, but also what to think about. The "movement" occurred approximately once every 10 years.
What happened in my case? For a long time no one used this method, because modern control methods made it possible to instantly find the culprit and correct the situation. But the economic situation in the modern form of the small states living in the territories of these "symmetries" gradually fell into decay. And they completely forgot about this method of warfare. To remedy the situation in the economy, a “consortium of four planets” emerged, a suspicious commercial organization most resembling a criminal syndicate. Instead, she took up the “study” of ancient artifacts on the axis, and in the end she set this task, which for strange reasons everyone missed. It was revealed only when the task was given a second time. Allegedly, the impossible task to fall in love with a woman who creates an insurmountable obstacle to relationships, set for the people at the lowest level of the hierarchy. But it also proceeded here to certain comparable types of earthlings. Actually, the locals did not care about earthlings, but in order to avoid a war between their inhabitants, an investigation began. Then the police arrived at the building of the consortium (the same "policemen"), but the police were put out of the door. After that, special forces arrived and took control of the building. It turned out that there was some kind of biological disaster, and all the employees in this building went crazy. The first pictures "from another planet" that I received were soldiers sitting in a building in helmets and respirators that looked like a starfish. Crazy people run along the corridors. These inhabitants looked like people in appearance. Later it became clear that all biological objects that were supposed to determine the threat were infected as a result of sabotage. The investigation revealed glaring facts of corruption in the local government, which knew everything and did nothing. The trial began, who attacked. The second video “from another planet” showed how the military, who landed on the neighboring territory, found some devices in the roots of the trees. And then some kind of machine works in the field, in the form of a tower with a rotating torus. It looks like an unearthly car. There are no such machines on Earth. But there was a hitch with all this. The devices turned out to be just a service for rare tree species. And the car is agricultural. Standardly, no one is fighting, all friends.
Further, all the stories reminded me of reports from the places of hostilities. This planet turned out to be mysterious, filled with some ancient structures and technologies. And the story itself was most reminiscent of a fantastic horror thriller. I even regretted falling asleep from fatigue, and missed the next "report". They continued while I was sleeping, and then the information was never repeated later. The reports were conducted in a "voice", the pictures came in the form of pseudo-hallucinations. Sometimes they were colored, but most often black and white or even painted, like illustrations in a book. Three or four times there were propaganda military videos and fragments from "alien films". They did not look like typical production of terrestrial film studios. An interesting feature of the "other world" was its similarity to the USSR in the 1950s and 1960s, sometimes even in the 1920s and 1930s. And it seemed very strange. The same architecture, decoration, typical character - a worker in overalls and heavy boots, as on the posters of that time. I have never seen cars in the streets. Phones and computers too. All houses in the towns are one-story or two-story. An interesting system of water drainage from the roof was made; it is inside the building, next to the stairs. In winter, it thaws from the heat of the room and is easy to clean. Apparently, the winter there is not severe. There is a metro in a big city, it is different from ours. The train goes in a tunnel where water can get, so at the entrance to the station it passes through a valve. First, passengers leave it, and then a passage opens for those waiting to land. There are transfer stations that do not have access to the street, and you can get stuck there at night. In the small cities of this nation, trains in tunnels for delivering workers travel on a different principle. A cable is stretched along the rails, which is constantly stretched by a stationary winch. The locomotive clings to it with a special grip and is towed. To turn to the side, the driver releases the cable and transfers the capture to another cable. Maybe somewhere on Earth this is, but I have not seen. Some metro stations are flooded and abandoned.
There were stories that simply staggered the imagination. For example, initially the information looked like this: "when a person dies, he becomes a coil, gets into the house, and stands, a car drives up to him and starts to unwind him, he talks about himself, tells, then unwinds all". Awesome life after death! In fact, it turned out that this was talking about a special apparatus reminiscent of our old wire recorder. He writes down there all the actions performed by the "axial system" for a resident of a certain type. In the event of his death, under mysterious circumstances, it is examined and determined that this preceded it. A special kind of impact on residents is the "dead". This is one in which a person is killed by external influence. He walks, eats, talks, but he is very unpleasant in communication, and does nothing fundamentally. The massive presence of "dead" in all responsible posts is defined as a military attack. This is the structure of the subordinate world, he constantly watches what is happening to him, whether they attack him from above, dictate his own rules to him, or not. This plot is interesting because I had heard about a wire recorder before, but I never saw it live! And moreover, all the time before my eyes from childhood there were reels with magnetic tape. It would be logical to assume that if my subconscious mind came up with this device, relying only on my usual knowledge, it would show something like a tape recorder for old electronic computers, which at one time were used to store information.
The robot that got lost on another planet, which I mentioned earlier, rode there on rails. It was a service mechanism, engaged in servicing a biological object, it got into some kind of slush during the accident and got stuck. On its hood there really was a wheel, most likely a spare. The robot rolling along the plane and “finding the hole where the person is” turned out to be a special garden mechanism working on the “axis”, thus identifying places that are associated with a resident of a certain type, and, accordingly, with an earthling. There, a special plant is planted in the hole, by which you can track what is happening. It was just so strangely recognized by a biological object that was used to reconnoiter what was happening in the neighbors, which also manifests itself in it as an image that needs to be identified and linked to something real. Why did the information about this come to me in such a strange way earlier? What am I - this is a robot that got lost on another planet? This is a way of military intelligence. The resident is informed that he is someone or something, from a biological object of observation, through a matching device called a "bridge", while the message looks silly, childish, because the rationality of this object is small, he is always at risk of destruction. Then it is monitored from which places something can affect this resident. This is what war looks like on another planet. Enemies always attack from higher levels in the hierarchy, often in order to complete some tasks from an even higher level. It’s always unexpected and mean, it’s the norm there.
Another interesting way of reconnaissance is that all objects recognized in this way are assigned the character of a resident. It doesn’t matter what it is, whether it is alive or not. What matters is not what he is, but what he "said". So you can describe any action performed by any object, even a cartoon character, even a toilet bowl. Someone said something - typical information coming from a biological object.
An interesting feature of another territory that we managed to see, called the "old world" there, is the "old management". It looks like domes with strange mechanisms inside. It was alleged that when a resident of this territory dies, they put him in a chair inside this mechanism, and the dead partly comes to life by the mechanism, experiencing pleasant sensations, he can see and correct something if he feels some dangerous effects on himself. "New management" there is based on moving mechanisms, robots, computers, crystals, imperfect biological forms, artificially grown, but no one in this world ever trusts him. Often it does something, and no one understands that.
The story ended with an apocalyptic ending. The spill of the rivers was accompanied by the flooding of territories, the release of toxic waste from chemical industries. Then, along with a stream of water, some kind of chemical or biological substance came that decomposed organic substances and even metals as quickly as possible. All residents caught in the wave of this substance were instantly destroyed, including children. However, they did not understand anything that was happening to them, and continued to live, as usual. Surviving surrendered. The war was lost. At this point, the story of the war on "another planet" stopped. In this case, the finale could be interpreted in different ways. Either someone defeated and destroyed everyone in this territory. But from what was shown, this was not obvious. Either the war ended, and the accident just happened. And in general, former opponents eventually engaged in a struggle with its consequences.
The story about the events on the “other planet” lasted three years, from 2007 to 2010. At the same time, I retained full sanity, I could take care of myself, I went to work, as usual, only got very tired of these “visions”. But I was extremely interested! What was shown was completely different from what we are used to on Earth. A complete illusion was created that there was a report on real events somewhere. The story was surprisingly detailed, believable, logically linked, with philosophical overtones, reminiscent of the parable of how a developed civilization had all the means to develop, but spent them on subordinating their own kind. It was a complete feeling that I watched the most interesting and exciting science fiction film in my life with an adventure plot! I have not seen anything comparable in level of fantasy here and have not read anywhere! Least of all did it resemble delirium caused by a disturbance in my thinking.
As you can see, a serious theoretical foundation was put under what happened to me earlier. Allegedly, the problems are somewhere on another planet, and this explains everything. But I did not believe it. I am familiar with cosmology and astronomy, and I am well aware that it is extremely difficult to bring information here from another planet near another star, especially to the brain. In my opinion, this is technically impossible, given the fact that those who transmit it here know practically nothing about us. At the same time, it always looked like that directly from there the information gets here, into my mind, but I did not see either transmitters or repeaters along the route of this signal to Earth. And I don’t know a single signal that could transmit images, all the more color, directly to the human brain. Therefore, it remained to assume that all this was formed right in my head, and nothing more than a hoax. In fact, this is military misinformation of someone who accidentally witnessed something and tried to figure it out. In my case, it was unsuccessful, because I did not believe all this. Interesting, of course, but alas, not true.
ALL SIMILAR REVELATIONS IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY - NOT MORE THAN MYSTIFICATION!
The most important question remained: who in my head, acting so that I didn’t notice anything, was able to compose a complex and full of details connected story? She was not only interesting, but also talented! I myself could not have composed such a thing, for a very simple reason. Each science fiction writer relies on the experience that he sees around himself. Therefore, in books and films, aliens are very similar to us, earthlings. They may just look different. To draw a completely different civilization, which is completely different from ours, is extremely difficult, almost impossible! Moreover, earlier in my mental fantasies I did not go further than describing the flight of a spaceship to another planet or star, which is completely typical of this genre. I never thought that they could control us from another planet, and I reasonably believe that this is impossible! Moreover, as it seemed to me, this story was played out, like in a theater or in a movie, according to some rigidly laid down script, which then did not modify and could not be continued. The last shots from this story more closely resembled terrestrial landscapes, and not from that fictional "planet". That is, in fact, some kind of "film", or a hard-laid program that played this hoax, scrolled, and that’s all, it was never repeated again. Most likely, having worked once, it can never be initiated again. A good plot for science fiction, but these "aliens" had nothing to do with reality.
Psychiatry refers to such manifestations simply and bluntly. These are manifestations of a mental illness, most often diagnosed as schizophrenia. It is convenient in that everything strange about the symptoms that the doctors do not understand can be dumped into it. Moreover, medicine knows almost nothing about the causes and mechanisms of schizophrenia. Treatment is done at random. Most often, through heavy psychotropic drugs, the patient’s consciousness is “submerged” to such an extent that the symptoms are smoothed out or stopped. But to live that way is impossible. Doctors still miss an important point: the patient’s consciousness can remain full, not damaged, something just bothers him, creating various hallucinations. As far as I understand, research in this area is currently not conducted, almost all work remains in the field of classification of symptoms and "treatment" at random. Psychiatry as a whole is the most backward area of medicine, which still remains largely in the concepts of the Middle Ages, operating with bare guesses and leaving everything to the opinion of the attending physician. There are no reliable laboratory methods for determining schizophrenia as a disease, this is done by a psychiatrist, focusing only on the similarity of symptoms, that is, by "aiming at the boot". Such an attitude, devoid of scientific methods, gave rise to a whole protest movement called "antipsychiatry".
In 2007, to my surprise, I noticed a lot of strange manifestations in the reality surrounding me. All the walls of the metro station suddenly became scratched with strange patterns. These were not obscene inscriptions, as you might expect. Strange characters, formulas, inscriptions in an incomprehensible language without meaning, drawings of some robots, circles, drawn into sectors. The same drawings appeared on the train windows. Something happened in 2007, some kind of mass insanity. Which may indicate a coordinated nature of such actions. I already knew then that this was a war, but I did not understand who was fighting with whom. Now these drawings have been mostly removed by polishing, and the glasses have been replaced. There were many unusual plots in computer games, with elements of what I saw in my “revelation” about another planet: in a provincial town, soldiers suddenly appear who do not understand anything and shoot at all. Own armed forces are unexpectedly very weak and can’t fight back, and in general often come across those who are armed and equipped exactly like their own, and look almost identical, but for some reason they are fighting for the enemy. Suddenly, once, an atomic explosion, and no one understands why this happened. Typical events for the "other planet", which I was shown during the "revelation". Back in 2007, strange feature films were released, as if shot by crazy people, telling the story about what it was.
In 2008, my co-workers attacked me in concert. One of them, with whom I had been friends, suddenly stated that I had to work for him for free. I naturally refused, and he began to take revenge. He began to persuade others against me. It was unexpected and seemed unmotivated. I went with this to my boss, but he surprised me by doing everything so that I would obey this type, although he was without a senior position and generally from another department. Having received a clear refusal from me, the boss tried to issue an order about it, for which he was removed from office the next day because he managed to violate labor laws. This was the first "kamikaze", which paid with his position to do a dirty trick to me personally. Before that, he seemed sweet and sympathetic, with a gentle character, and many would consider such behavior quite illogical. After that, they repeatedly tried to arrange sabotage and wrecking acts against me, until I found those who do this. They turned out to be my colleagues. Why they needed this remained a mystery, but since then I have been surrounded by cautious hostility from those whom I had previously considered almost my friends. Now nothing surprises me.
After the end of the fantastic story of revelation, for a long time, two years, the symptoms of auditory hallucinations continued. As a result, there was a partial dissociation of my personality, which was divided into three incomplete personalities, two of which work in one bundle, this is me, and the third is completely independent, and basically it interferes. It is felt on the right and behind, as if a separate person were sitting. Sometimes he expresses his opinion and even resentment, but can never tell definitely what is happening and does not answer direct questions. As I understand it, it is a partially rational executive element of a part of a person’s consciousness that is completely inaccessible to him. It is he who "palm off on ideas". A patient with schizophrenia sometimes argues with him, as with someone who is nearby. There is also a symptom of "someone steals thoughts", in fact, this element simply interrupts the train of thought, getting in with its idea, and the thought is lost. If you wait, then the lost thought most often comes back from memory after some time. Surprisingly, it never occurred to psychiatrists that hallucinations and other symptoms in patients with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses are generated by completely independent elements of consciousness, but do not seem to the patient at all, being his sick fantasies! Simply put, "voices in the head" is really someone’s conversation, not a pure illusion or fantasy! It is not the curiosity of psychiatrists that sometimes simply amazes the imagination. For years, they recorded and classified, diagnosed, but no one made any conclusions about the nature of these symptoms. "The head is a dark subject and cannot be treated". So I decided to forget about what happened to me, as it was some kind of technical failure. They showed me something wrong, and I did not understand what it was.
During this period, I realized that in order to win a woman, you need a "gentleman's set", that is, money, my own apartment, or at least a car. Otherwise, even a mistress will not be interested, so I could not find anyone. Before that, I had never been interested in driving, it seemed to me unsafe, and the topic itself was not interesting. Therefore, I decided to study a seriously new programming language for me, pass exams, and get another job. Surprisingly, it turned out to be difficult to accomplish. My cognitive abilities suffered after the "revelation" session, and the material was very poorly remembered. In addition, he seemed very boring, abstruse and it turned out to be unusually many. But I stubbornly continued to study, already hoping to simply study all of this and become independent of labor market fluctuations. As a result, I noticed that the discussions in my head about the story that I had been told for three years began to be intrusive. Moreover, sometimes this "third person" behaved like a passenger displeased with everything in a car. He twitched, as if trying to dodge something, and even "tried to get up and leave". Of course, he could not leave, he was firmly fixed in me, but was designated as part of my body. Sometimes it looked like a "furious hat" on my head, or a "furious cape" on my back. Doctors attribute this to senestopathies, that is, sensations on the skin that are always declared by the same symptoms of the disease, and what causes them is not interesting to them.
In 2011, I started having unexpected problems with urinating. Urine poured in huge quantities, I constantly wanted to go to the toilet. I was tormented by the syndrome of incomplete emptying of the bladder, sometimes I just couldn’t get to work. It seems that I just went to the toilet, and again I want to, and pouring in liters. I was amazed at the amount of liquid pouring out of me, I was constantly thirsty. Doctors diagnosed me with prostatitis and began to treat. The treatment did not give any results, as a result, they began to shrug. I had to be treated myself. By constantly douching a decoction of herbs and antiseptics into the urinary tract, it was possible to reduce the desire to run to the toilet. I also gradually learned to completely empty the bladder, draining the remaining urine, although it was quite difficult and painful. Medicine, as always, helped me nothing.
As a result, I began to feel bad, to feel very tired, having difficulty learning new material. I began to go to neuropathologists in various paid clinics, trying to find the reason. I did not trust psychiatrists, and I do not trust to this day. Something was wrong with them, those whom I visited by necessity during the early problems looked strange. Neurologists did not attach the symptoms that I described to serious significance. I was diagnosed with osteochondrosis, although they sent me to do tests. But in the end they prescribed a soothing and ointment for the neck. Naturally, this did not help me. Symptoms only worsened. In addition, it seemed to me that my “neighbors” did not like that I was studying programming, and they made noise again. And then the moment came when they gave me all kinds of illusions that they play the pipes, whistle, rattle, shout. Like in the Middle Ages. It was very hard. I did not understand then that this was the third military attack, and felt that I still had obvious schizophrenia. And I have to put up with it. And all that was with me before this, a failure in the subconscious, caused by the disease. The subconscious is simply more complex than scientists think.
The most difficult moment came in the fall of 2012. I went to the sanatorium, where I had a good rest, went through a series of procedures for the restoration of the nervous system, but in October I felt very bad. It was unbearably hard. At the same time, I often heard during monotonous sounds, for example, buzzing, as if classical music was playing somewhere or the arias from the opera were singing in a monotonous male voice. But I did not find the source, it was worth changing my location, and the singing stopped. I went to the doctor and they gave me a sick leave, pointing my head at the MRI. The doctor then again did not find anything serious, but I was getting worse. Problems were localized in the upper part of the right occipital region of the head. It felt like there was not enough air, it was impossible to breathe. An ambulance was called. An ambulance brought me to the hospital and left. Doctors in the admission department examined me, but found nothing significant, in their opinion, and sent me home, advising me not to turn my head. Despite my complaints that I feel very bad. They argued that there were no seats, although the ambulance dispatcher said that there were places, and even a few. I barely reached back, I thought that I would die at night. Fortunately, I survived, but it was very bad. Gradually I was released, I came to my senses, I went to another doctor, and he was struck by the fact that other doctors before him did not find obvious symptoms of a serious illness, chronic cerebrovascular insufficiency. Moreover, such a conclusion was not difficult to draw directly from the results of early diagnosis, it was practically written in an explicit form! But many doctors now do not know how! They put something typical, for example, osteochondrosis or prostatitis, and you go with it. As I understand it, I had a severe attack, almost a stroke, and I miraculously survived. Then I was ill for almost a year and a half, I was recovering slowly. I went to work, but half a year for a part-time week. Treatment typically did not produce results, it turned out that medicine in this case has no real solutions, almost all drugs with an unconfirmed effect. Nothing helped me. It turned out that in this case, doctors fundamentally refuse the patient. Neither sick leave nor disability can give him. And you deal with it yourself, as you want. Typically, the doctor does not listen to the patient at all, but treats only according to the results of the diagnosis and in his opinion. Many are under the illusion that our medicine is powerful and will cope with any problem, and it is almost unable to do anything, ineptly miss any dangerous disease, and then can not help in a threatening situation. The salvation of a drowning man, the work of himself. It became clear that a prolonged stay in a state of "revelation", as well as communication with "spirits", causes a chronic lack of cerebral circulation, most likely due to an overload of auxiliary appendages that form it, which can be dangerous to health. Naturally, nothing was written about this anywhere.
After this difficult moment, all the symptoms of a mental disorder practically disappeared. There were no more voices, no images in the mind, no movement of the skin on the head. The calm period lasted eight years, which refuted the diagnosis of schizophrenia. In severe schizophrenia, an increase in symptoms is observed, the symptoms do not stop, the patient's personality degrades, interests are narrowed. On the contrary, I observed only an expansion of interests, this time I lived a more or less full life. Hobbies both were, and remained. For some time after the completion of the work of the "internal TV", which showed "shots from another planet", in the right eye, that is, in the visual center, in the part that corresponds to the right eye, the feeling of an "inserted tube" remained rather unpleasant, then it passed.
During this period, he was actively thinking about what it was all about. The very first thing that came to mind was that it was all a built-in soldier. Since he just lied to me and did me bad. A rather reasonable-looking idea that you can simply embed a soldier in a subordinate form, and he will not let the slaves attack the masters. But the nature of the observation of all manifestations is not consistent with this possibility. A soldier would put forward conditions, and a concrete image of the owner, which could not be attacked, would be laid. I have not recorded anything like this. On the contrary, this individual in the head seems to act the opposite of what is necessary in this case, fighting those who could just become a friend and ally of the owners themselves, and pushing them back, but pushing forward dumb and aggressive personalities. It turns out "the policeman is the other way around". So you can only achieve that hordes of stupid freaks will kill these masters, and that’s all. I also understood from the analysis of archaeological finds that no evidence of the presence of developed civilizations here, especially alien ones, was found on Earth. Who was to be guarded by this soldier? The hypothesis was not confirmed, then I therefore abandoned the idea of the military nature of this rudiment. But then what is it? I went through many different other hypotheses, in particular, the crossing of different species of our distant ancestors of hominids, some of which may have been made artificially by aliens. And this led to the appearance of a hybrid in which the remains of the built-in guard of the owners, which is not suitable for humans, have been preserved. Or the fact that something ready was inserted into a person, for example, so that the Cro-Magnon did not die out. And in this rudiment, by mistake, a military branch of thinking remained, which can sometimes be activated accidentally. But this does not explain everything that happened to me, the complex nature of the story presented to me. Why put it in? For what?
As a result, I began to believe that the “alien history” is something like a service program that works in the event of a serious failure among this multicomponent rudiment. A person thinks they are being told about another world, and this is a kind of debugging mode. And all this as a result of civilian purposes, was intended to give civilization to man, but it regularly does not work correctly for some reason. And all that was with me was a tragic mistake. I began to understand the theory of evolution, and I saw many obvious gaps. From the point of view of ordinary logic, there were no ways to explain some points. It confused me, I began to think that evolution was driven by the built-in biological mechanism, which was hooked at the beginning of evolution. A new transformation, for example, idio-adaptation, was prepared in advance by this robot, and he forced the creature to realize them. For example, he made the bird learn to fly or move the eyes of the flounder on one side. It turned out a kind of "intelligent design" inside. But the doctor of biological sciences, with whom I corresponded at one time, dissuaded me, explaining that my point of view is called "spontaneous Lamarckism", and it was proved that this mechanism is not in DNA. In the end, I came to the conclusion that all this, with which I came across, is just a sexual instinct. It is simply very complicated, especially for a man, because a woman has evolved so that most often she does not want to have children, therefore she does not want sex. And to achieve reciprocity from her has become an increasingly difficult task for a man. Therefore, the sexual instinct became more and more complex. So he leads the unfortunate man to the woman, forcing her to seek in any way. And the story told is just a fantasy in a relatively reasonable area of sexual instinct, created from nothing to do. And in general, all this could happen to me because I have a chronic lack of cerebral circulation, or a latent form of mental illness.
In 2017, I suddenly began a severe exacerbation of irritable bowel syndrome. Of course, I myself was guilty in many respects, but noted that before this strange way I wanted exactly what I was not allowed to. For example, drink a solution from a jar of pickled cucumbers. And I really wanted to a state of drug addiction. Naturally, the exacerbation began, but I did not expect that it would be so strong. There were such severe pains that I did not sleep at night. And nothing helped, neither the usual pills that I had previously taken, nor the strictest diet. It is very typical for many of my chronic diseases that the exacerbation started unexpectedly, at the time of feeling full health, it was very strong, and then the disease became stubborn, did not want to go away. My trip to the doctors ended in testing for eight months. I passed a lot of tests for everything, and went through several expensive examinations. But the doctors did not find anything serious. Again! And I realized that once again the doctors were ready to carry out diagnostics ad infinitum, but they did not know how to treat at all. It turned out that every time I knew more about this disease than a doctor, and even more than a PhD! As a result, I was tired of it, and I took up the treatment myself. As always. I myself developed a treatment methodology, and in 2019, improvements finally began. There was an opportunity to live more or less normally. But in the end, I realized that for eight years I had been ill for five years with chronic diseases of an incomprehensible nature. A difficult and gloomy period, it is not clear then why it is so established.
In 2020, I decided to write a book. I have long wanted, one might say, this is a dream of my childhood and youth. It should have turned out an adventure tale, with humor, unexpected plot twists, kind, with a good happy ending. At the same time, it is quite voluminous in concept. And at first everything went very well. For the first time, I applied new techniques when writing, borrowed from programming. Suddenly, I realized that I could write the final part, I came up with it entirely. I started to do it, and there, in particular, I had planned the happy love of the protagonist and the wedding. Therefore, I painted the images of several women in the biography of the protagonist. Artistically. With some acceptable amount of intimate scenes. Without attaching much importance to this, I thought it was a secondary plot move, just created for a happy ending. Suddenly, I noticed that my "fellow traveler", who until now had not shown himself at all, began to express dissatisfaction. All the time he tried to focus my attention on this part of the plot, although by that time I was thinking about the rest, and made outlines there. Moreover, in the mornings all the heroines invented by me came to visit him, and he personally kissed them all. But this saddened me a little, in the end, it helped the imagery of implementation. Then something happened, as if a stream of sexuality poured into consciousness, accompanied, oddly enough, by a weakening of the erection. I thought that age, after all, did not attach any importance to this. I decided to turn it into creativity. Then something strange began. My "fellow traveler" made a tantrum that in my youth there was nothing like this, and at that time everything had to be done to get women. To which I reasonably objected to him that he should have come with this then, and now it’s too late. Then, in my 20s, he was silent like a fish. It was painful, lonely, bitter, hopeless. But no one ever forced me to explicitly run after the girls. Like this: go and get what is right. As a result, I had a debriefing of my youth period, I admitted that I had made a number of irreparable mistakes, but then I just did not realize the complexity of the situation, and that I needed to act quickly. And there was no one to tell me. As a result, the onset of depression receded, and I decided to continue working on the book, in the part where the girls are not mentioned at all.
Then the strange phenomena began. At first I started to wake up very early, did not get enough sleep. There was no way to force myself to sleep. This, of course, prevented me from writing a book, and for a while I stopped work, limiting myself to the outline of what I came up with for the future. I bought a sedative and gradually leveled off my sleep, realizing that this situation is harmful to my health. But someone was trying hard to return me to the thought of women. As a result, out of principle, I stopped thinking about them. I didn’t think, that's all! About anything, but not about women. This led to unexpected consequences. There was activity when the "fellow traveler" began to behave strangely, as if they, the "spirits" had hidden plans for me there, but he refused to talk about them. I began to suspect that they were again trying to make me fall in love with a woman, and again unhappily falling in love, which would be completely stupid in this situation. For the first time in 2003, this was unexpected, and I still believed in the possibility of a fluke. But in my 50+ it's funny to think so. Moreover, ladies of my age did not cause any thoughts about love for a long time, the age when it was still possible was long over. Realizing that this number will not work with me, the fellow traveler began to behave completely incomprehensibly. He seemed to be about to sneeze for a long time, then finally got ready ... and went nuts! An indescribable feeling when someone is crazy next to your mind! Sometimes there was such a powerful madness that I realized that somewhere, somewhere in the depths of the right hemisphere, there was a complete cessation of consciousness. And so almost every day. But I myself was relatively normal! Consciousness was fully functional, only occasionally there was a whistle on the right in the head, and again the "furious hat". But this time, no hallucinations, neither auditory nor visual pseudo-hallucinations. Only unpleasant sensations under the skin, as if someone was crawling there..
I didn’t understand anything at first, I thought that this was an infuriated sexual instinct. But pretty quickly it became clear that with a woman and with sexual arousal, this is practically not connected. Then, in the middle of the night, regular monotonous sounds began, as if someone was arranging East Slavic dances. An imitation of singing in a monotonous male voice, reminiscent of a mournful aria. Or even a melody reminiscent of folk. Or gospel. Sometimes a howl resembling the sound of a diving bomber from the Second World War. Luftwaffe, not otherwise! I used to believe that this was due to diseased cerebral vessels. It turned out, no. Very much disturbed to sleep. Then I had a vivid dream, where someone invisible said that he would help me and turned off the sound of the speaker. From that moment, the night dances temporarily stopped, and the melodies became much quieter. As I understand it, the service program has worked.
But during the day the attacks of the fellow "traveler's" insanity continued, capturing more and more sensible brain areas that were not involved in the main activity of my consciousness. It interfered of course, rather, like pressure on the head, on the right ear, and very weak covering headaches. Most likely, these were spasms in the right hemisphere caused by insanity there. But at the same time, the full realization that a mental patient is beating in a fit with me in a seizure, and in a state of rage, even saliva flows from my mouth. But his thoughts, emotions, which he experiences, I have never realized. Most of all, this condition was reminiscent of explosions on an enemy submarine, when it is felt that something is happening somewhere in the depths, and sometimes shock waves even reach, but almost nothing is evident on the surface.
It became clear that all this happens when I sit down to work or think about something for the future, make plans. Someone seems to hate that I am inventing something, composing something, I have my own plans, and he interferes with this in every way, being in the same head. I finally stopped getting sick, and began to do something, and with pleasure, how dare I! Oh, I am! Dared to be healthy and happy. Finally came an understanding of what it is. An ordinary, completely ordinary combat robot, built into the right hemisphere of the brain. There is nothing particularly mysterious about him. He's just partially intelligent. A completely understandable genetic enemy of man, the opposite of him in everything. It interferes in all ways, and, in fact, does nothing else. Moreover, it is very noticeable how, having tried all the methods to stop me, he simply began to fight with everything that is still available to him. He tries one method, does not work, another does not work, the third does not impress me either, then he waits for a while, as if he is thinking about what to do next. And again in a circle. But each time is a little different, and this is the least like hallucinations. Now that all this husk of misinformation and beautiful lies he has ended, he did not find anything smarter than to stupidly attack me and fight in silence! This is not surprising, as every gopnik did every time when he ran out of arguments. Before starting to fight stupidly, he twice asked me to surrender, to bow to it is not clear to whom. But there's no one right in front of me! Perhaps it is somewhere rigidly embedded in him, a mode of obedience to the ruler, but here he is not, this ruler! By this he reminded me of some birds, for example, an owl, which at the moment when it was noticed, begins to bow. Tired of fighting and from his constant madness, he rests. See, you see. Then he again enters the ring and fights. It became clear that he was absolutely stupid. And so stupid that he does not understand that he is fighting with himself and damaging his health. This behavior is typical of a combat mechanism. Only the dumbest creatures will fight their bodies!
It also became clear that he had been fighting with me all his life. And over the years, he simply struggled with my body, making it weaker, causing various diseases that were very difficult to cure. Therefore, all my life I was weak, short-sighted, frail, overly cautious, I never had the strength to start doing something, it was difficult to run and generally play sports. He suffered from various chronic illnesses, amorousness, excessive sexuality. And I did not understand this. But it turns out that I was beaten from the inside by a stupid combat mechanism. Unhappy love in 2003 is just his military strike, nothing more. He also drove all kinds of idiots to me, in endless crowds, so that they would stupidly interfere with me. Including my parents, whom I made soldiers of this undeclared war. He bombarded me all the time with a huge amount of unnecessary work, which was invented by the next smug donkey. It prevented me from advancing in my career, interfered in my personal life, rightly say - it interfered with everything. Therefore, as I understand it, neither women, nor bosses, friends, never appreciated me, they seemed to bypass me, not giving me the right to even compete with someone on equal terms. That is why I have had “stripes” all my life, he struck, I was treated or recovering, then he struck a new blow. That’s the whole mystery of millennia. People believe that immortality, eternal life, universal love awaits them, and this turns out to be an extremely stupid genetic enemy that hates everyone who is at least a little smart. Typically for this situation - “friends” at the beginning of the journey, in the end it turns out that this is a stupid fighting machine and enemy soldiers, a war. What nonsense, right? Well, there’s nothing special about this?
All my life I struggled with an infinite desire to have sex. I remember that in my youth I was bored, as soon as I wanted to sit down to write a book, I immediately had an urgent desire for sex. All the time I sincerely envied those who are not very burdened by this constant lust. It turned out to be a genetic enemy! Absolutely dumb. And now it happened, as soon as I started to write a book, he was trying to shove thoughts of sex into me, and on a grand scale, because I know about it and don’t react. I can't write stories! And I can’t invent something either! I have to go and have sex. Moreover, with whom, this is my problem. I have to replace my dreams of a profession with dreams of sex. And implement them yourself. Now I understand why the spirit told me in 2003 "this is a gift" about my unhappy love. Because it was supposed to be a gift, in return for everything that I dreamed about in life, I would be given sex. The problem is that he killed the sex himself. Women did not need sex. But the enemy is so dumb that it does not understand. He does not seem to understand anything at all. He doesn’t understand that a woman is needed for sex. That there is age and other problems. A dumb fighting vehicle that has been bothering me all my life. The one who made it was not even puzzled by the simple thing: to make it consistent with himself. If you are replacing a person’s thoughts with thoughts about sex, at least make sex real! But no. This stupid enemy makes it so that a man has everything in his body and character to make it uninteresting for women, but there is an obsessive desire, an overvalued idea to get sex, and the enemy only knocks on it unsuccessfully. As a result, a person does not get anything, but what was supposed to be a gift turns into a tragedy.
Realizing somehow that thoughts of women would not interest me, he tried to stop me from thinking, as if he wanted to stop all my thoughts altogether. So that I don’t think about anything at all. Unpleasant sensations, of course. But it lasts for a maximum of half an hour. Then he once, and falls off. Silently. And in my thoughts it becomes clear, but slight pains are felt in different places on the right side of the head. Least of all is it reminiscent of a typical mental disorder.
It finally became clear why this was built in. The owners did not live here. They did not want civilization on Earth to develop and become cosmic. They were just having fun here. Maybe they had a base on the moon, there were some mysterious traces of buildings. Recent flashes on the moon and visits to "flying saucers" were often recorded in the middle of the 20th century, now there are very few of them. Most likely, the civilization of the owners died of their vileness, leaving us a dumb military mechanism built by them from fear, which impedes any attempt to build a civilization and live happily. This mechanism is actually just a stupid small animal, but genetically modified to complete insanity, in order to fight everything that humanity likes and that it considers good for itself. For people like me, everything is simple. I should never have achieved what I most wanted. No matter what. But because. This is the highest pleasure for a primitive mentally ill sadist. You have no right to anything, so he decided.
Moreover, it is a mistake to believe that "spirits" is something small. This genetic enemy is huge! Most likely, it occupies the entire right hemisphere of the brain. Presumably consists of a number of modules sequentially planted on a single nerve channel. This is their "axis". Most likely, the mechanism controls through this channel, making the modules hurt, threatening their consciousness or, conversely, creating pleasant sensations. When he fights them with a person, the modules go crazy. The stupid mechanism most likely begins to work most actively from the age of 30-35, after the "midlife crisis" in men and the "Balzac age" in women, causing gradual degradation of thinking, and hidden mental disorders of certain types. For example, people start to think that bad is good, dangerous is harmless, etc. Nobody suits him, he fights with everyone, just uses the degree of their degradation in different ways. Therefore, civilization of earthlings does not add up all the time.
There is no complete certainty, but it is likely that the most actively described mechanism works for those who have been fond of space research and flights since childhood. It was so with me. It is possible that a special “space” trap module is built in to isolate such “enemies”. As a child, I felt an almost religious feeling, thinking about the depths of space, and how starships fly there. It was akin to ecstasy. Then, at my student age, it disappeared, giving way to increased sexuality. If a person is actively interested in a trap that forms his dreams of long-distance space flights, then it turns on the genetic enemy for the most active mode of operation. For example, the founder of astronautics Konstantin Eduardovich Tsiolkovsky also had this. At a later age, he suffered from schizophrenia, often gave out strange ideas, and claimed to be in contact with "etheric entities".
There is a reasonable suspicion that a reasonable part of the enemy lives in its own, fictional world, in virtual reality created by the program. Therefore, he receives his pleasures from life, not the same as man. He cannot be an ally or friend; for him, his personal world is more important. In fact, this is a "parallel" civilization, unknown to us, existing by itself, in its own world, and for us, in fact, building only obstacles in development.
I guess why the "fellow traveler" eventually went crazy. Human consciousness is tertiary, and is built by the coincidence of three. If the "third" does not coincide with the other two at all, the service module is turned on, which is trying to correct the situation. If the fix fails, then the "third" just comes to a complete standstill and eventually goes crazy. Since I know about his existence in my head, as a separate person, he can no longer deceive me with impunity. But he needs to complete the task, to harm me in every way. In this, he completely fell out of the surrounding reality. Therefore, silently went crazy and he has nothing to say. When he tries to think something of his own, he noticeably interferes with his state of insanity, but quickly gets tired.
As a result, it became clear that the enemy was pushing me this time. I had to realize that I was already over 50 years old, I was too old for young girls, and cry about this. And that's all. Dumb hate from a sadistic genetic enemy. But as it turned out, the control mechanism overworked in due time, because it fought with its own body, and died in 2012 from a lack of cerebral circulation. Therefore, for eight years he did nothing. And he came to life again, but for a long time he was not enough. He again fought, received a return from the body, very much chickened, so he trembled for hours. I felt this trembling, as if riding a village tractor. It feels like he is a brain fragment of a genetically modified monkey, some kind of macaque, but in fact it is the mind of an insect. Horsefly, nothing more. When it falls off, it makes sounds in the head such as rustling or chirping. The rest of his partially reasonable details this time behaved like real clowns, so I laughed heartily. Then they, too, were chickened when their chief surrendered. It felt like some rat tried to escape from his head, but nowhere. The other rat, from behind, twitched, desperately trying to take such a position so as not to go crazy again, but in vain. So this mechanism is quite possible to defeat, no need to be cowardly, that’s all. It is designed for the fact that a person does not know him, and he quietly harms. In the event of a direct collision, it is much weaker.
Most likely, the enemy at one time realized that in my youth I had big problems with girls, nothing worked, I was very worried about this. And he clung to this idea, with which he banged on me all his life. Now, now you need to achieve a beautiful girl, when you are already over 50 years old. And cry because of this. At the same time, he mentally showed me the dial, in which the hand goes back. All this would be correct if it were not a fundamentally impossible task. It is characteristic that he never bothered me so that I would succeed in work, career, realize some of my youthful dreams, for example, write a book. Only with what I can’t do at all. And when it started to work out, he was stopping me from doing this. So, I understand, overvalued ideas for life are being formed. A man spends a lot of time and effort to achieve some unnecessary nonsense, for example, beautiful female legs in black tights. I remember in the army often liked to repeat: "it doesn’t matter what the soldier is busy with, just to be tired". As I understand it, this is the whole point of such "conducting". They always lead to a dead end, except when it is convenient for an invisible war.
There was a suspicion why such a strange ending to this event occurred. All this together resembled repentance before some higher being. First I had to bow to him, then I should have tears of tenderness in front of him. As a result, an imitation of all this came, apparently, the worship of a higher being is tightly sewn into a "fellow traveler", as well as an act of repentance. The problem is that I did not see a higher being in front of myself at this moment. And I especially have nothing to repent of. Moreover, this coincided with the manifestation that in order to receive the gift promised in 2003, I had to somehow return the time back in an unknown way. Otherwise, the enemy does not know how. Therefore, it turned out that I should cry, because already by virtue of my age I can’t get love from a beautiful girl. As a result, a complete impasse of the idiotic mechanism, completely divorced from reality. Perhaps that is why he fought with me because he was fatally mistaken and then did not coincide with anything.
Very interesting are some dreams that are repeated once in a while. For example, the fact that I was again drafted into the army, despite the fact that I served. Or even more characteristic: that someone is attacking. This someone is himself invisible, but people on the street see signs in the sky, for example, a luminous dial against the background of the moon, and understand that you need to hide. When you hide, it starts to grab you and lift you up to the ceiling. Dreams are bright, colorful. I guess that someone so warns the "spirits" that they will be used, but these warnings are irregular and are unlikely to help.
I also understood what happened to me after 2003. The genetic enemy performed the task, it was catastrophically mistaken, then the service program turned on with a lie, it did not work, and he was fixated on the task. He begins to carry it out, discovers that the person is not involved in this, and in every possible way tries to attract his attention. Realizing that nothing helps, he starts again. And so on to infinity, until he dies. At the same time, he is now fulfilling an empty space, because his reasonable part in 2012 I died. And he won’t come up with anything for me. Typical symptoms of a mental disorder may occur, it will seem that someone is to blame, an execution is being prepared. In fact, none of this happens. This is familiar to psychiatrists, but in this case, the person himself is not involved in this, and perceives what is happening as secondary problems somewhere in the inaccessible part of the head, parallel to his consciousness. In fact, this enemy simply prevents me from working in various ways, which he did from the very beginning. This is what typically happens to those who have experienced “revelation from above.” The service module could not rectify the situation, and the mechanism works in vain, in a circle, destroying its elements. Until he dies, while creating a threat to human health and life. Then it can come to life again, because the body restores it, and begins to interfere again, working in an endless circle of the same. It seems that there is something beautiful and interesting in it, in fact it is all extremely disgusting. The limit of immorality of the creator of the genetic enemy is to create desires and at the same time interfere with their fulfillment. Get the joy of meanness and die with it. This bottom cannot be pierced.
As the natural end of the story, in the end, there was a monkey who does not understand anything at all. Sits in the head, and does not know how to think, it just feels like a stiff part of the brain. Complete paralysis of consciousness after almost six months of insanity. There are still a few learned reflexes to the detriment, and previously created chronic diseases, which this creature knows how to worsen. And that's all. The typical end of a creature that does not know how to be responsible for its actions at all. It goes crazy because of it, because they shouldn't know about it. And from time to time it continues to try to harm, but it looks very primitive and stupid. A typical military machine, only almost completely destroyed.
There is an assumption how this happened. This military gear was completely imported from another planet. Therefore, it contains a section of consciousness that is not used here at all. And there it was built-in military control, which is so cruel that our German fascism during Hitler's time seems like a real sanatorium. You cannot think forbidden things, only what you are allowed! Around the control devices that are built into buildings, on poles, around the planet in the form of a swarm of satellites, and they are visible to the naked eye. This rudiment is sometimes activated in the mentally ill, and doctors do not know what it is. It is believed to be fantastic delirium containing cosmic hallucinations. And of a frightening character. And this is an alien military system of relations. This rudiment betrays its alien origins when examined more closely.
There is a hypothesis as to how it happened. There are many legends and indirect information that the most ancient advanced civilizations were on Earth. They were called differently: Atlantis, Hyperborea, Lemuria. But they all disappeared, and now historians doubt that they ever existed at all. I think they were destroyed. By those masters who created them. For too much freedom, and rapid development. It is unlikely that they were more developed than Ancient Egypt, and only strange archaeological finds have survived, revealing high ancient technologies, and myths mentioning these civilizations. Most likely, a war broke out on the home planet of the owners with a subordinate created intelligent civilization, and it was destroyed. Then the owners came to Earth and killed all free people of the past here. A new species was brought out to replace, in which the military mechanism, recognized on their planet, was added, which is why it is so strange. On their planet, they created another civilization of slaves, but with a built-in mechanism of military control. As a result, they repeated this experience, went even further, got into a complete impasse and died themselves.
From that moment I look around and, to be honest, I find it funny. Happy love? Happy family life? Successful career? Development of science and technology? Conquest of space? Guys, don't tell me! With this fighting mechanism in your head, this is simply impossible! It prevents everyone from living. It spoils absolutely everything! Not because he likes it, but simply because he is so arranged, to harm everything. An ordinary stupid bastard, built tightly into literally everyone.
You need to remove all this shit from your head, and immediately everything will be fine. It will be as it should be.